Most of us are familiar with making plans to achieve certain goals and taking action to accomplish them.

 The Hidden Motivation Behind Our Goals

However, there's an aspect of planning that's often overlooked—our desire to feel a certain way once a goal is attained. We might believe that achieving a goal will make us happier than we are in our current circumstances. This desired feeling can sometimes be the invisible driving force behind our goals. We look forward not just to the outcome, but also to the emotional state we believe it will bring.

 For instance, a woman might say, "I’ll feel grounded and calmer when I’ve lost weight and have a flat belly."

 But the question arises: could she feel grounded and calm regardless of what her belly looks like? A process of inquiry could reveal insights about her relationship with her body.

 A Complex Relationship with Our Bodies

A woman’s relationship with her body is complex. In the context of this article, I'm exploring how the aspiration to achieve a goal that aligns with certain beauty standards might be driven by a deeper desire to feel worthy of love—and how this can manifest as discomfort in one's own body.

 The Pressure of Beauty Standards

The early years of adulthood often focus on realizing aspirations in careers and relationships. During this time, women’s bodies are subjected to societal pressures—expectations of sexual availability and adherence to certain beauty standards—which can condition them to believe their worth depends on meeting these expectations.

 It’s certainly a distraction from the importance of being valued for who she is as a person and her accomplishments.  

 There's nothing relaxing about living under this pressure.

 How many women quietly wonder: Am I pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough, worthy enough? They may feel compelled to pursue beauty standards that they might not even be interested in, just to feel worthy of love.

 Navigating Mid-Life Changes

As life progresses, particularly during mid-life transitions and peri-menopause, additional complexities arise. Hormonal changes bring about shifts in the body and nervous system. For many women, it can be a rollercoaster, with anxiety and energy levels fluctuating along with hormone levels.

 Women’s bodies take on new shapes as peri-menopause progresses. Bellies become fuller and softer—it’s nature.

 Yet, in a society that measures a woman’s worth by impossible standards of physical appearance, she might struggle to feel good about her body as these changes occur. She might long for a flat belly to feel calmer and more grounded, but something deeper is needed.

 Cultivating Inner Calm and Self-Love

A process of inquiry could be beneficial—curiously seeking to understand how she feels about herself in the present moment. Could she bring some of that calmness into her heart no matter what is happening now, whether or not she attains a flat belly? Could she believe herself to be accomplished and loved, no matter what? If the answer is a resounding yes, then would a flat belly still be a goal?

 A Gentle Invitation

 I invite you, dear reader, to place your hands on your belly now, without any judgment. Can you love your belly no matter what shape it is and find peace within yourself? Try it with gentle curiosity. What do you notice?

 Embracing our bodies as they are, with compassion and understanding, can be a radical act of self-love. It allows us to break free from the external pressures that dictate how we should look and feel, and instead, connect with the deeper truths of who we are. As you navigate your own journey, remember that true calm and grounding come from within, not from the shape of your body or the attainment of any particular goal. By nurturing this inner peace, you can find joy and fulfillment in the present moment, exactly as you are.

Katia Krassas

About me:

At mid-life I commenced a journey that resulted in healing trauma, letting go of pleasing people, and finding my voice. I changed my career to become a Holistic Counsellor, Healer and Nature Connection Facilitator. I now help women connect to their inner power and be comfortable in their own skin.

See my bio here: natureconnectionempowerment

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